Ask Others: How Are You?

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By asking someone "how are you?" you can show that you care, are interested, and appreciate them. Although the question is often answered with "I'm fine" or "not much," asking it provides an opportunity to share more.

It may also be that the right time to share true feelings comes later. By showing interest and care through this question, you communicate that you are someone they can trust and feel safe opening up to.

Is Your Friend Doing Okay?

You notice changes in your classmate’s behavior. They might be tired, quieter, or absent from lectures. You see that they are troubled, but asking how they are doing feels difficult.

A suitable place and moment

First, think about where and when would be a good time to talk with your friend so that you can have a private conversation without distractions. Invite your friend for coffee, for example. Make sure to set aside enough time for the conversation—if your friend wants to talk, it’s important that you have time to listen. Show that you are there for them and ready to help.

• You’ve seemed more tired lately, how are you doing?
• You haven’t seemed like yourself recently, how are you feeling?
• I haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?

Listening is important

Let your friend share what’s on their mind. Avoid making assumptions about what’s bothering them—give them space to talk while you focus on listening. Also, don’t minimize their feelings by saying things like, “That’s just a small problem, you have so many things going well for you.” What seems small to one person might feel big and difficult to another. If you don’t know the right words to say, remember that listening and being present are enough.

Respect their refusal

If your friend does not want to talk for some reason, accept that. However, let them know that you are ready to listen if they ever want to talk another time.

Think of solutions together

If your friend openly shares their situation with you, you can think together about what might help. You can ask how you can support them. However, you don’t need to have the perfect advice or solutions. The most important thing is to show that you are there for them.

Remember to Take Care of Yourself

You help your friend according to your own abilities and energy. You are not responsible for making decisions for them. You can be present and offer support, but you don’t have to solve everything. Remember to take care of yourself and your own well-being too!

If it seems like your friend might need external help, encourage them to seek it.